Grand

I had a blog theme all worked out for today. I did. I’d decided what topic I was going to write on, I’d planned on it, and then last weekend happened, and everything changed. And I don’t mean that figuratively. I literally mean that everything changed, in a day.

That day, was Friday.

I’d been holding my head up for the week before it, doing my best to keep my eyes up and not let anything get me down. But that didn’t really work, when the end of Friday came around.

Friday, you see… Friday, we said “see you later” to the woman who was basically me, two generations prior. Friday, my beloved grandmother went home to be with the Lord.

And so today, I want to take this time to talk about her. I hope you don’t mind.

My grandmother was the strongest woman I’ve ever met. In all my life, I don’t remember a time when she was ill. Even at the end, I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that something was wrong. Even if she was in pain, you’d never know it. She was one of those women who minimized everything like that. I admire her for that. She never let anyone pity her. She never let people see her as weak. She was also one of the strongest Christian women I’ve ever known, and I would not be surprised if she always remains on that list, to the end of my days here on Earth. She was that strong, that devoted to our Lord. I cherished her for that.

She was also, basically, me. Or maybe it would make more sense to say that I’m her.

I’m so much like her, you wouldn’t even believe it. I’ve worn chokers since I was in middle school, hardly go a day without wearing one. She did that, when she was younger. I very nearly always wear black, and I’m most comfortable in black. That’s like her, too. And those are only the little things, the things you can see with your eyes. I also act like her, in a lot of ways. And I'm truly honored to be able to say that.

The cool part, to me, was that I didn’t intentionally emulate her. I really didn’t even realize how deeply it went, until last Christmas when I was helping Mum pick out a present for Grandma, and I picked something out and said “I really like this, I would wear this, so she would wear it too.” She loved that. I think she also loved that I loved being like her.

She was my only grandmother. I never had another one, not really. I won’t go into details about that. But she was one of my favorite people, someone anyone could sit down with and talk to. She never made anyone feel like an outsider, no matter what. She treated my friends like they were her grandchildren, she laughed at my stupid jokes, and she… she is deeply missed.

There were thousands of things I’d wanted to do with her, things I’d wanted to experience alongside her, and never got to.

But you know what?

I know how cliché it is to say that she’s in a better place, that she’s smiling down on us right now, but I’m going to say it.

My grandmother is happy, right now. I know she is. She’s in heaven, with her daddy, and with the Lord our God, and she’s so happy. She’s not in any pain. She doesn’t have to struggle to be strong, to find the light in this world, because she’s surrounded by light. And she’s not smiling down on us, because she has so many better things to do. She gets to spend the rest of her days in worship of the Almighty.

And I’d bet you anything that she’s already experimenting with her hair, and she’s gotten her nails done.

That was Grandma. She always looked perfect. Always beautiful. She taught me to enjoy makeup, to know how to apply it without looking like I was caked in foundation. But more than that, she showed me what it was to be a wife, to be a mother, a grandmother, and to love the Lord with all one’s heart.

I pray that when the time comes, my marriage will be as beautiful as my grandparents’ – and that in my life, I will live like she did. For Christ. 

But it's not goodbye, for which I'm eternally grateful. It's see you later, Grandma. Save me a seat beside you. 

[love]

{Rani Divine}